New Year...New Me. ha!

Yep, I said the cliche...but I mean it. This the year I get my ass back into shape. After several years of constant change, I'm finally in a place where I'm pretty...good. No new jobs, I've been in grad school for awhile now, and I finally got the dog I wanted and have adjusted to life with her. I'm not going to be moving or getting new cars or...anything. The only thing that might come into my life is a dude, but I have no way of knowing one way or another on that.

So, let's play some catch-up on my WLJ the last half of 2015. At one point I got up to 197.4 (omg) but I kinda got my shit together over the summer and got down to 179.2 and other than a small gain that I immediately lose, I'm still hovering around 180. So, at least I have that success in my back pocket.

Also, I realized something about myself. When I focus on the scale, I get super crazy about things. And, emotional. I needed to figure out other things to measure in order to keep track of my success. Not waist measurements (although, I think those are probably good as well) but more a measure of my habits.

So, in 2016, instead of focusing on a weight loss goal, I'm going to focus on three, very manageable fitness and health goals:

1. Track my food. This doesn't mean I have to get all crazy if I go over my points, I just have to track ANYTHING I put into my mouth so I can be conscious of it. I do a lot of mindless and stress eating and that's a good part of my weight gain. Forcing myself to track will, at very least, make me mindful of what I'm eating.
2. Run/walk 500 miles this year. Only purposeful exercise counts - and no ellipticals. I did this challenge in 2011 - the year I hit goal. It was easier to focus on miles than minutes for me - and I ended up SMASHING the mileage. 
3. Drink of glass of water with every meal. I know that I'm usually dehydrated - this will make me remember to get some regular water every day.

That's it. No forbidden foods. No weight goal by a certain time. Just, focus on my habits. If I do, the weight will come off on it's own.

What are some of your goals?

Weighing In...on friendship and weight loss.

I restarted, then promptly forgot to blog. It's okay though, I'm going to get better...I need this blog for a lot of reasons, both weight loss related and not.

But, starting with weight loss, here is where I'm at....I've only lost .6 pounds since I started a month ago...BUT, considering I gained about 5 pounds at first, I'm good with this...in the past two weeks I've lost 5.6 pounds. That's something.

Shit happens. That's life.

I've really focused this past week on trying to change my environment to make it more conducive to losing weight. I cleaned out my fridge, I did some meal planning, and I had some honest discussions with myself about how I need to re-establish my personal boundaries.

I've become a victim of my own success at work. Basically, I'm really good at both my jobs, and since it feels good to finally be rewarded for my skills, I want to work all the time.

The money is nice, but the fact that I have almost no down time is killing me slowly. I'm barely aware of when I'm coming and going - making it hard to plan my meals or get in a workout (or shower).

I've also fallen victim to another trap - feeling peer pressured into drinking. Now, my friends don't overtly force me to drink, but every single thing we do of focused around beer....Membership meeting for a club we are in? Beer. Book club? Beer (to be fair, it is call Spines and Steins...and I named it, but yeah...). A girls' night in (sleepover)? Beer. Movie? Beer afterwards. Like, can't we just hang out and visit? If we need beer to be social, we must not be very interesting people...and I know that's not true.

No more.

I just can't make it about beer anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love a good craft beer, but I'd love it even more if I just had one, savored it, and then was done. I'd rather be healthy than be drunk any day. And, to be fair, I don't actually enjoy being drunk. I'm too much of a control freak for it.

I don't want to lose my friendships with these people, but I'll be honest and say that I'm worried it may happen. I know at least one of them will be fine with it, and she may even join me with re-framing our socializing around other behaviors (instead of a bitchfest over a beer and burger, how about we go for a walk around Grey's Lake?)...I'm not sure what will happen with the others. I hope they are inspired by my change in attitude and not offended, but who knows.

I've been down this road before, and it wouldn't be the first time I had to distance myself from people who were not on board with me making healthier choices for myself. It sucks. I'm not going to sugar coat it. I've come to realize these folks probably weren't my friends to be begin with, and at the same time, I shouldn't assume it will happen again...that's not fair to these women.

We'll see...

Today's weight: 192.8

9 pounds to 5%, 18 pounds to 10% - I'd be pretty freaking stoked to be there by my birthday in August. Here's to hoping.

So...Hey?? or...welcome to the new journey

So, after almost 2.5 years of abandoning this blog I'm back.

But the reason I'm back isn't necessarily a good thing. I mean it is, I'm taking a step I need to take, but the journey here sucked.

I've gained about half the weight I lost back. Not all of it (thankfully) but from my lowest weight in 2012 to today, I've gained almost exactly half of what I worked so hard to lose.

In that same amount of time though, this has all happened:

• I've had my heart broken...like three or four or twenty times (it's ridiculous, I know...)
• I've changed jobs four times (this is NOT including part-time jobs I've had to take on from time to time). 
• I've moved three times.
• I've restarted graduate school (although I'm pretty sure I'm discontinuing after this semester).
• My mother went through some crazy scary surgeries (she's doing better, though). 
• I was mentally abused by a former boss (to be fair, I don't think he meant to gas light me, but it happened and it made me question my intelligence. A lot.)
• I've had to deal with some financial issues. I'm doing okay, but I'm definitely not as comfortable as I was a couple years ago.

So...yeah...the fact that I haven't gained it all back is actually a NSV, as far as I'm concerned. And, realizing I NEED Weight Watchers meetings to battle this and to have some support is also a NSV.

Today was my first WW meeting in over three years. I loved it. I remember why I used to go immediately - the community and fellowship I get there I can't get anywhere else.  In my traditional fashion, I have elected to be completely honest about what I weight online. Mostly to help others, but also because I think not naming something or not acknowledging it actually gives it power, I will again be posting my weekly WI online. It keeps my accountable and forces me to be real with myself. So...here it goes:

New, WW re-start weight: 193.2.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.

It's hard to do this, but it's a must...and, it's still a far cry from my highest weight ever: 231.2. At least I didn't weight (see what I did there? see? see?) to go back to meetings to when I'd regained it all plus 20 pounds. That's a victory.

First goal - lose 10 pounds or 5% of my weight. The go from there.

Weekly Non-scale goal: track. I have to get used to doing it again. Especially since I have a business trip coming up next week and I'll need to keep myself cognizant of all the banquet food that will inevitably be there.
Weekly Mental Health goal: chill and get some of my to-do list done so I feel a bit more in control of my life.

So tell me, what brings some of you back to journeys you thought you had finished?

WLJ Weekend Update: 12.01.12 // I was perfectly happy...

Note: this post will also appear on personal blog: www.jaclynnejacijax.com. For those who read both, I apologize if you accidentally read it twice :)

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I was perfectly happy...until I decided I had to lose 100 pounds.

I'd lost over 90...and I was perfectly happy hovering just under 140 pounds. And, then I decided I had to get to 131 so I could say I'd lost 100 pounds.

I had no desire to maintain that weight. I was happy with my figure and my curves and my fitness level. I wanted to be a bit faster, but I was strong and happy. But, then I decided that being skinny was more important than feeling like myself. I needed to look like what everyone on Pinterest and all the fitness blogs thought I should look like:

So, then, I was perfectly unhappy...so I ate, and I regained some weight. Only 5 pounds. But, that made me even more unhappy...so I ate, and I regained a bit more. And, I tried to track, and I would, for a couple of days, I'd lose a pound or two, then I'd forget about it. And, regain what I'd lost.

Then, I finally figured out what my problem was: I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I want to be strong and athletic, but I also want to be curvy. I want to keep, and most importantly, celebrate my hourglass figure. I feel sexiest when I'm a mix of both.

So, I'm going back to being perfectly happy.

New forever goal weight: 139.8. New goal running pace: Under 11:00. No more racing with people who run a 25 minute 5k. I mean, good for them, but I have no desire. I'm doing this for me; not them. I'm done doing this for anyone but me. I'll track my food, I'll eat whatever I want (in moderation), I'll exercise for both fitness and relaxation, but no more competing. My mental health is too important, and I know from my own experience, that most weight loss is mental. 

So, my goal right now is to get under 147 by the end of the year. That's only 2 pounds over the next month. Then, I'll keep losing until I'm back at my happy weight. However long it takes. Because I really don't care - I just want to be perfectly happy. 

WLJ Weekend Update: 11.3.12: Forgive yourself

Deciding to just run and forget about the haters was probably the best thing I could have done for myself.

Because, this week I ran 4 times. That's the most runs I done in a single week in over 6 months. I obviously loved it since by Friday I couldn't wait to get to the gym and zone out for 45 minutes.

I also did yoga and Pilates this week - which I think really helped me not get too sore from the sudden increase in my running. And, I know the yoga helped me sleep because, for the first time in weeks, I slept like a freaking baby every single night.

Awesomeness! I finally don't have to wear a ton of under eye concealer to look human!

I tracked - not perfectly, but much better than average. I focused on drinking water and staying hydrated. I went to bed a decent time. I checked in on family and friends out East to make sure they were okay during the hurricane (send prayers AND money. seriously guys). I read some. I let myself watch reruns of HIMYM and drank green tea. I relaxed for the first time in months.

And, most importantly, I made myself a priority again. I stopped hating myself. I was nice to myself.

I remember years ago when I first joined WW and still went to meetings, there was a woman who had been with the program for years and finally made her goal weight. She'd lost over 150 pounds! Our leader asked her what advice she'd give to anyone just starting or to anyone struggling during their weight loss journey.

The woman's advice? Forgive yourself.

She said that each of us is going to fail at something during this journey. None of us are going to be perfect. The difference between lifetime members and people who quit? The lifetime members shook off the failure, forgave themselves for whatever they did wrong, and moved forward. The quitters used the failure or mistake as an excuse to stop.

So, forgive yourselves. I know there are a few readers of mine who have struggled with their weights for years - and this is the best advice I can give them. I had to remember it myself, so I know it's hard. But, you must be nice to yourself, because it's really difficult to take care of a person you hate.

\\

Forgiving myself for the last few months worked this week! Check out my stats - I'm down another 1.4 pounds!

Start Weight: 231.4
Current Weight: 147.4 (which was the goal I set last week)
Weight-loss to date: 84.0
Miles Completed: 15.58 (my goal was 14)
Goal for next Saturday: 146.0
Miles goal: 16