Note: this post will also appear on personal blog: www.jaclynnejacijax.com. For those who read both, I apologize if you accidentally read it twice :)
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I was perfectly happy...until I decided I had to lose 100 pounds.
I'd lost over 90...and I was perfectly happy hovering just under 140 pounds. And, then I decided I had to get to 131 so I could say I'd lost 100 pounds.
I had no desire to maintain that weight. I was happy with my figure and my curves and my fitness level. I wanted to be a bit faster, but I was strong and happy. But, then I decided that being skinny was more important than feeling like myself. I needed to look like what everyone on Pinterest and all the fitness blogs thought I should look like:
So, then, I was perfectly unhappy...so I ate, and I regained some weight. Only 5 pounds. But, that made me even more unhappy...so I ate, and I regained a bit more. And, I tried to track, and I would, for a couple of days, I'd lose a pound or two, then I'd forget about it. And, regain what I'd lost.
Then, I finally figured out what my problem was: I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I want to be strong and athletic, but I also want to be curvy. I want to keep, and most importantly, celebrate my hourglass figure. I feel sexiest when I'm a mix of both.
So, I'm going back to being perfectly happy.
New forever goal weight: 139.8. New goal running pace: Under 11:00. No more racing with people who run a 25 minute 5k. I mean, good for them, but I have no desire. I'm doing this for me; not them. I'm done doing this for anyone but me. I'll track my food, I'll eat whatever I want (in moderation), I'll exercise for both fitness and relaxation, but no more competing. My mental health is too important, and I know from my own experience, that most weight loss is mental.
So, my goal right now is to get under 147 by the end of the year. That's only 2 pounds over the next month. Then, I'll keep losing until I'm back at my happy weight. However long it takes. Because I really don't care - I just want to be perfectly happy.
YAY! I am so, so glad that I inspired you to be yourself again. Good luck hitting your goal! Mine is 120 by the end of the year (which is funny b/c the last several years I would pray to the gods that I wouldn't hit 120 over the holidays).
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I think you're absolutely right -- doing this for me, not them. Too often we compete with others in our fitness goals when we really should just be challenging ourselves. That's what I'm trying to do more of, but sometimes it gets very hard.
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