So...what IS your goal?

Now that I'm getting pretty close to my goal weight, I have a lot of people asking me this question.  Some of them do the whole, "You've already lost so much weight, how much more do you need to lose to feel good about yourself?"

First off, on most days, I feel pretty darn good about myself.  I'm a good person, I love that I'm active, I love my friends and family.  I have a strong creative spirit and, I think, the uncanny ability to express myself easily and with humor.  I'm strong, I can run (not track-star fast, but whatever), and I inherited hyper mobility so I can do really hard yoga poses.  I have small hands and feet which remind me of my femininity-no matter how man-ish I may seem while working out.  While I have the occasional blue day (who doesn't) I'm normally pretty content with myself as a person.

So, I'm not losing weight in order to love myself.  On the contrary, I lost weight because I finally started loving myself and making my health a priority.  For me, the act of improving myself doesn't mean that I don't love myself as I am, it's acknowledging that I'm not perfect and can always grow.

"If you aren't growing; you're dying." ~ James Ray

But, I know this isn't the answer people want to hear.  They want a number or size or something more tangible.

Okay, okay, okay.

As far as weight, my realistic goal is 139.  My "reach-for-the-stars" goal is between 130 and 135 only because then I'd be right in the middle of my BMI and wouldn't have to worry about eating a little extra on holidays and special occasions.

Size?  Well, this I really can't say because everywhere I go, I'm a different size (damn American nonstandard sizes).  Plus, I have a natural hour-glass shape - very small waist, but larger hips and boobs.  It's normal for me to be two sizes - so, I try not to worry about it too much.

As far as fitness, well, my running goal is to have my average mile under 10:00 (right now I'm at 11:12).  I'd also like to be able to do an actual chin-up.  My upper body strength sucks - so I think making it a goal to do one of these would be incredible.  I also want to find an inverted yoga pose that I love and can hold for five minutes.

How about some pictures (all found on Pinterest)?

My "trouble spot" is my arms - This lady is pretty much my arm goal.

Source: google.co.uk via Alison on Pinterest

Goal: an inverted yoga pose I can hold for 5 minutess

Source: tonedcurves.tumblr.com via Blah on Pinterest

Please excuse her nipples, but I want her abs.

Source: fit-and-happy.tumblr.com via Kendra on Pinterest

Source: bohemea.tumblr.com via Paige on Pinterest

Runner Legs.  Love.

Source: google.com via Kelsey on Pinterest

Something I'm Working On...Cleaning up my dirty mouth

For those of you who have been reading my blog for a bit, you probably notice that I don't have the most lady-like vocabulary.  Well, I write exactly how I speak; so you can probably just guess how much I curse in real life...sailors have nothing on me.  I couldn't exactly be in an Orbit chewing gum commercial (or would I be a perfect "dirty mouth"?  Hmmm...).


It's been made clear to me that this habit isn't probably the most professional thing in the world.  I know that, but as a matter of principle I've just fought the tide on it because I don't see where is says that we can't say these words in The Ten Commandments.  It says we shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain (and I don’t), but it doesn't mention anything about saying bitch.

But, alas, I need to grow up about it (I guess), so I'm challenging myself to swear less.  I doubt I'll ever get to the point where I never swear, but I want to more conscious of when I do it, so I can better control the words I say.  I'm trying to see the positive in this as well...besides the fact that I'll be more professional, I'll also be forced to use better words to express myself (I guess).  I know that the amount of cursing I do can make me sound less intelligent than I am (sort of like saying "like" all the time) and since I know I'm smart I'm going to start acting like it (I guess).

Now, I'm sure I'll still drop a "fuck" or a "shit" or a "damn it" from time to time when appropriate (dropping a can of peas on your foot, now that's a good time to curse), but I'm going to really try to not say those words in my day-to-day conversations.

Today, I've gone a solid 13+ hours today without saying a bad word.  I've thought them, I've heard them, I’ve written them, but I haven't said them. 

That's probably a record for me. 

Since I believe in positive reinforcement, I've decided for every day I don't curse, I'm going to give myself a dollar.  Doesn't seem like much, but it's enough to motivate me.  I won't count this blog because I need at least one outlet where I can say whatever I want.  So relax, y'all still be privy to my colorful language.  You know you love it.

But, please wish me luck on my new professional and grown-up challenge (I guess).

30 Days of Truth, Days Twenty-Six to Twenty-Eight

Fun fact: I bought two new cameras this week!  A Holga and a Nikon CoolPix...I'm excited to experiment with the film in the Holga and now that I FINALLY have a snap and shoot camera, I'll start taking some photos to put on here.  Stay tuned.  Not so fun fact:  I caught ThE sIcK.   Well, to be proper I didn't catch it, I developed it.  I have a sinus infection that is killing me.  I feel like my head is about to fall off and I can't breath deep enough to get a good run in because something I have affectionately started calling "The Ooze (Think Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)" is coming out my nose.  So gross.  I hope I'm better before my trip.

***18 days to NYC!***

Day Twenty-Six: The Best Thing I Have Going for Me Right Now

For the first time since I was 19, I'm back in my hometown.  It's so great to spend every day with my family.  I've missed so much of their lives while I was in college and Des Moines so now I'm playing catch-up.  For example, my eldest nephew is 16 and is going to be a senior next year and up until this past December, I'd never seen him perform in his band (and he's AMAZING).  And my niece, she's taller than me and almost a teenager!  When did THAT happen?! Also, spending more time with my Jessica (my cousin who is more like sister) has been so good for both of us too.  I had forgotten how we are perfect mirrors of each other.

"The best mirror is an old friend."

~ Peter Nivio Zarlenga

Also, my mother is going through some serious health stuff right now, and I'm relieved that I'm able to be home with her while she adjusts to her new diet and medications.  Then, of course, my grandfather being diagnosed with cancer last month.  I honestly think G-d knew I needed to come home for awhile before moving out East.  He knew I needed to reconnect with my family and roots.


Day Twenty-Seven: If I Were Pregnant, What Would I Do?

Well, first I'd be confused since I haven't been exposed, per se, for quite some time...then I'd be happy!  It would definitely change my plans, but I have an awesome support system so I'm sure I'd be fine. 


Day Twenty-Eight: A Letter to Me At Age Eighteen

Dear Jaci - 

There are so many things I could say to you.  Let's see, right now you are a senior in high school, and you've actually already figured out that high school is total bullshit, so I'm not going to tell you to ignore the haters.  But, I do know that you have also just had your heart broken for the first time.  I want to let you know that it WILL be okay.  The hurt will fade, you'll both eventually be friends, you will even date some other boys and break their hearts.  You'll also have your heartbroken again.  Not just by men, but by just people in general.  You'll discover as you do more in the "real world" just how much it doesn't meet your expectations.  You'll be shocked how trivial and down-right mean people can be to each other and you'll shed more than a few tears because of this fact.  As much as you are disappointed, however; you will never lose your belief that there is wonder and amazing things in the world that you want to discover.  Jaci, in your heart, you are a creative, quirky, curious explorer, and the drive to explore and do more things will be what brings you the most joy.  Follow that.  

"Keep a good heart. That's the most important thing in life. It's not how much money you make or what you can acquire. The art of it is to keep a good heart." 
~ Joni Mitchel

I also want to warn you that you WILL make mistakes.  You'll even flunk a class and later retake it and get the top grade - proving to yourself that you are not dumb or lazy.  You'll spend all your money on new clothes, and then realize that was a bad choice because you forgot to buy food first.  You'll eat a whole loaf of white bread in one sitting but then figure out that white bread is your arch enemy.  These things WILL happen, but the important thing is that you learn from your mistakes.  Jaci, these mistakes are the very things that make you mature, tough, and wise beyond your years and help you develop a very strong self-worth.


Next, please listen to your gut.  You have the unique personality that allows you to have an innate understanding of most things (which creeps others out) while also being analytical.  Unfortunately, you sometimes let your analytical part override your intuition - even though your gut is usually right on the money.  It's hard, I know, because you want to do what is "correct" but you'll eventually learn that what is right for you won't always make sense.

"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny." ~ Bob Marley 

Lastly, you need to know there are people who will ALWAYS have your back.  Mom is one of them.  You two will have your ups and downs during the next decade, but you'll always find each other on the other side of the hill because she is your biggest fan.  Jaci, she's tough on you because sometimes you need it, but she'll also be there to pick you up when your breaking.  Let her.  It makes her happy.  And sometimes, as much as it kills you, you will need to realize that asking for help from her doesn't make you weak.  In fact, it makes BOTH of you, and your relationship, stronger because part of loving someone is being their brace and holding them up when they are about to fall.  


There is more that I could say, but these are the most important things.  Enjoy your twenties - they go by fast!  


With Much Love and Fond Memories, 
Jax