WLJ Weekend Update 9.3.11

First off, it's September.  How the heck did that happen?!  This officially brings the start of my hard-core job search in NYC.  I'm not optimistic.  I'm hoping, but not optimistic.  I've spent around 20 hours this week resume writing, applying, and doing other job-search activities and the week isn't over yet.  I'm trying to remind myself that it won't happen overnight, and there ARE jobs out there, so to be patient, but patience isn't my greatest virtue. 

And, from my friends who have found jobs in this recession, I've surmised that the magic number seems to be 100.  Each applied to around 100 jobs before getting hired.  I've got 20 down, so I'll just keep plugging along.  And, I have a job, not a great job, but a job nonetheless, so at least I have that in my favor - apparently some employers won't hire people who are unemployed.  How does that even make sense?  People keep blaming Obama and the government for the high unemployment, but um, I'm thinking they aren't to blame for that craptastic logic.

Anyways, the point I'm making is that I haven't done much in the way of my weight loss this week.  I only tracked on Saturday and I only ran on Monday.  So, the fact that when I weighed-in this morning and was only back up to 144, was okay with me. 

My goals for this week are to run 3 times, not for weight loss, but for the simple goal that running helps me deal with stress and anxiety.  My other goal is to track 4 days.  Sometimes, you just have to start small, so that's what I'm doing. 

Wish me luck, I have a feeling the next week will be doozy.

P.S. "The Girl With The Fabulous Running Shoes" won in the poll.  As soon as I have time to, I'll be updating my header and web address.  I'll let you all know the day.  Thanks for voting!

WLJ Weekend Update: 3.12.11

Some weeks, you are not meant to be an awesome, weight-loss goddess.  Some weeks, G-d wants to remind you that you're human.  This was that week for me.

After my awesome weigh-in on Saturday, I decided to spend the day with my cousin.  Not a big deal, except we ate.  A lot.  I normally do not eat that much food, but the stress of my trip and my residual emotions caught up with me.  You see, I'm an emotional eater, but I don't normally eat when I'm stressed (actually, I starve stress) nor do I eat loneliness, hatred, sadness, or anger.  No, the emotion I eat is nothingness.

"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." ~ Socrates

What does that mean?  Nothingness?  Well, I'm a very goal orientated person, so when I run out of goals I feel adrift and like I'm nothing.  Some may even call it feeling useless or worthless or a personal apathy.  When I feel this way, I feel like there's a gaping hole in my life that I must fill (the hole being a purpose), and I fill it with food.  A healthier reaction would be to make some new goals, but sometimes the nothingness overtakes my common sense.

A blog I follow regularly, *Bitch Cakes*, wrote earlier this week about how sometimes you just have to allow yourself to go through whatever you are going through.  It couldn't have been more relevant to my week or mood and somehow it allowed me to give myself permission to feel what I was feeling (thank you Sheryl, your honest, open-heart is more inspirational than you'll ever know).

So, I did just that, and while I tried to keep myself on point the rest of the week as best as I could, I didn't obsess about it.  I gave myself permission to reflect and just be.

Besides the nothingness, there were some physical things this week that also caused me not to lose: a fall on Sunday that resulted in a bruised hip (so very little exercise); my dot (period) appearing four days early (bloat); and a head cold that I've been fighting since leaving NYC finally taking over my body (a sick body holds onto fluid when healing).  But the biggest thing was the nothingness.

Today, I'm feeling better, but I didn't start feeling like a useful human being again until late yesterday and you can't undo a week of poor choices in a matter of hours.  So I didn't try and just mentally prepared myself to see a gain on the scale this morning.

And I did, but I'm only up .2 pounds.  I'd barely call that a gain, but as it wasn't a loss, I'm not going to get lazy about it.  One more day of rest (today) and then I'm going to work my butt off.  I set-up some goals for myself (both fitness/weight-loss and personal) during my reflection and I want to get started on them!  So, for now, the nothingness is killed, and Jaci is back.  11.4 pounds to go.