WLJ Weekend Update: 10.27.12: Comparison/Compassion

I'm just going to say it. I forgot to WI this morning. I was work up at exactly 8:00 by the tech who was coming to fix my car's windshield this morning and in my rush to get downstairs to meet him, I completely forgot to get on the scale. So, today's WI weight is from Thursday when I hopped on the scale to check on my progress.

And, my progress was that I'm exactly where I was a week ago.

Not up. Not down. Exactly the same.

I'm okay with that.

Because, while I'm still trying to lose a complete turkey by Thanksgiving, if I come a few pounds short it's not a big deal. As long as I've lost and I'm back in the habit of thinking before I eat and being active, then I'll consider it a success.

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Over the week I also realized something. It's something I've learned before, but I'm sort of stubborn and thick-headed sometimes, so I must have needed another exposure to this particular lesson:

Source: piccsy.com via Carolyn on Pinterest

Since May, I've been doing a lot of comparing. Why did that girl get this and not me? Why does that person have a house and a car? So and so can run an 8 minute mile (and thinks that's slow), she probably laughs at my pace on dailymile.com. So on and so on...

It hit me fully when I was running earlier this week and was forcing myself to run at a pace that for a lot of people is a comfortable pace...but for me is a sprint. After about 5 minutes of that pace I wanted to throw up so I quit my workout. Which just made me beat myself up. And my inner mean girl came out: "Jaci, ____ can run that pace for an hour without breaking a sweat. What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you suck? Oh, yeah, because you let yourself gain weight again. ____ wouldn't have that issue. And your weight gain is why no one loves you..."

Yeah, I wasn't very nice to myself. Because I was constantly thinking I needed to be someone else.

Then, Thursday came. And on my way to the gym I decided that I'd had a long day and instead of running for the exact purpose of weight loss I was going to run for the purpose of relaxation and stress relief. So, after I warmed up, I put the mill on a comfortable pace (roughly a 11:00 mile) and just ran/jogged for 30 minutes (the longest uninterrupted run I've done in months). I was breathing hard but wasn't in pain, and at the end I had enough in me to sprint the last three minutes. Hard. Then I walked for around 30 minutes, just because it felt good. And, then I did some deeeeeeep stretching.

I felt fantastic afterwords. And proud. In a little over an hour I'd ran and walked 5 miles. I'd set out to finish 3 earlier in the week and quit 1.67 miles into the workout.

That moment I decided something (again). I'm going to stop making myself crazy. I'm going to stop making myself believe that I'm not good enough just because some else is skinnier or faster or has a better job. Instead of practicing comparison, I'm going to practice compassion for everyone - especially myself.

Source: lost-her-marbles.deviantart.com via Carly on Pinterest

Stats as of Thursday:Start Weight: 231.4Current Weight: 149.0Weight-loss to date: 82.4Goal for Saturday: 147.4Miles Goal: 14 (at a pace I'm happy with)