I've wrote about how the last few weeks have been a struggle for me. How I'm still adjusting. And I'm sure a few of you are thinking to yourselves, "Jeez, this girl is rigid. She needs to just go with the flow and figure it out as it happens."
But, I CAN'T (and trust me, I try). I'm an INFJ personality type and one of the strongest parts of being an INFJ is a love of schedules. And when my schedule is messed with - I become either overwhelmed or angry (or, often times, both).
Now, I understand I can't control everything, but the things I can (when I go to bed, when I wake up, when I read, when I exercise, etc) are pretty regimented. I know I need to sleep 8 hours or I become a bear. I know that in order to keep my running stamina up I need to run at least 4 to 5 hours a week (or around 20 miles). I like to give myself deadlines and specific goals because then I know EXACTLY what I need to do to reach said goal. "No deadlines/goals = no plan" for me.
And the thing about my job...it's not regular. At all. I'm not talking about stress or whatever. I used to work in finance during the recession, I can deal with stress (part of the reason I started exercising, actually), but more along the lines that I have no set schedule. My hours are all over the place. Take this week's schedule (our weeks start on Saturday): Sat. 10-6; Sun. Off; Mon. 1-9; Tues. Off; Weds. 5-9 (but turned into 5-10); Thurs. 1-9; Fri. 1-9.
These hours wouldn't be so bad if they were like this every week. But no, after I close tonight at 9 or 9:30 I have to go back in the morning and work at 8:00.
WTF?!
No, Manager-Who-Will-Remain-Nameless, I don't need to sleep or have a life or recharge.
Wait, recharge, that sounds like something else I really need. As an INFJ, I have a high need for some alone time so I can recharge before going out and dealing with other people. I'm a bit of an emotional barometer - if I have a lot of bitchy, whiny, stressed out customers I can't help but become the same way. I literally absorb emotions - even if they aren't my own. So, having some time away from them and other people is crucial for me to function. Unfortunately, even when I go to break I'm surrounded by all my co-workers who feel the need to dump their bad days on me (for some reason people think I'm their therapist - I'm not. Leave me alone) so I never really get to recharge. And by the time I get home, I'm emotionally exhausted (I don't even want to mention how much I'm physically tired).
And because of this exhaustion I'm not doing all the things I love to do: blogging, running, sleeping, watching movies...
Because instead of using my time to do what I want, I have to recharge myself and recenter myself. And every time I start to get used to a schedule, they change it, so then I'm taking time to figure it out again.
And...
I only took this job because it was supposed to be an easy, fun, summer job that wouldn't suck the life out of me. I only took it so I could save up some extra money for my move to NYC.
And...
I'm not sure it's fucking worth it. I'm not. I'm pissed and exhausted and I want my life back. I'd rather work 60 hours a week at a job that is a bit more regimented than this place. I'm not even kidding. What I actually do is fun, but the affects it's having on the rest of my life just aren't worth it.
But, I'm not ready to quit since I don't have anything else set up. And, I don't like the idea of quitting a job a month after I start it because then I'll look like a job-hopper, but I'm sure my "I don't give a fuck about this job or company" attitude will eventually affect my job performance, which isn't good either. So, for right now I'll just stick with it and look for something that doesn't blow ass. Or keep my eye on the prize: I get to move away from this shit in 3 months.
Now that I've got that rant off my chest (and thank you for reading, I know I swore a lot, but I'm pretty effing frustrated right now) we can move on to this week's results. I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Whoo hoo! My first loss since starting to work. Let's hope this is a sign that I'm adjusting better than I thought...
New Stats:
Start Weight: 232.4
Current Weight: 145.4
Weight-loss to date: 86.0
Goal Weight: 139 (new goal)
Pounds to Goal: 6.4
But, I CAN'T (and trust me, I try). I'm an INFJ personality type and one of the strongest parts of being an INFJ is a love of schedules. And when my schedule is messed with - I become either overwhelmed or angry (or, often times, both).
Now, I understand I can't control everything, but the things I can (when I go to bed, when I wake up, when I read, when I exercise, etc) are pretty regimented. I know I need to sleep 8 hours or I become a bear. I know that in order to keep my running stamina up I need to run at least 4 to 5 hours a week (or around 20 miles). I like to give myself deadlines and specific goals because then I know EXACTLY what I need to do to reach said goal. "No deadlines/goals = no plan" for me.
And the thing about my job...it's not regular. At all. I'm not talking about stress or whatever. I used to work in finance during the recession, I can deal with stress (part of the reason I started exercising, actually), but more along the lines that I have no set schedule. My hours are all over the place. Take this week's schedule (our weeks start on Saturday): Sat. 10-6; Sun. Off; Mon. 1-9; Tues. Off; Weds. 5-9 (but turned into 5-10); Thurs. 1-9; Fri. 1-9.
These hours wouldn't be so bad if they were like this every week. But no, after I close tonight at 9 or 9:30 I have to go back in the morning and work at 8:00.
WTF?!
No, Manager-Who-Will-Remain-Nameless, I don't need to sleep or have a life or recharge.
Wait, recharge, that sounds like something else I really need. As an INFJ, I have a high need for some alone time so I can recharge before going out and dealing with other people. I'm a bit of an emotional barometer - if I have a lot of bitchy, whiny, stressed out customers I can't help but become the same way. I literally absorb emotions - even if they aren't my own. So, having some time away from them and other people is crucial for me to function. Unfortunately, even when I go to break I'm surrounded by all my co-workers who feel the need to dump their bad days on me (for some reason people think I'm their therapist - I'm not. Leave me alone) so I never really get to recharge. And by the time I get home, I'm emotionally exhausted (I don't even want to mention how much I'm physically tired).
And because of this exhaustion I'm not doing all the things I love to do: blogging, running, sleeping, watching movies...
Because instead of using my time to do what I want, I have to recharge myself and recenter myself. And every time I start to get used to a schedule, they change it, so then I'm taking time to figure it out again.
And...
I only took this job because it was supposed to be an easy, fun, summer job that wouldn't suck the life out of me. I only took it so I could save up some extra money for my move to NYC.
And...
I'm not sure it's fucking worth it. I'm not. I'm pissed and exhausted and I want my life back. I'd rather work 60 hours a week at a job that is a bit more regimented than this place. I'm not even kidding. What I actually do is fun, but the affects it's having on the rest of my life just aren't worth it.
BIG LIFE LESSON OF WEEK: I NEED ROUTINE IN MY LIFE. AND IT'S NOT NEGOTIABLE.
But, I'm not ready to quit since I don't have anything else set up. And, I don't like the idea of quitting a job a month after I start it because then I'll look like a job-hopper, but I'm sure my "I don't give a fuck about this job or company" attitude will eventually affect my job performance, which isn't good either. So, for right now I'll just stick with it and look for something that doesn't blow ass. Or keep my eye on the prize: I get to move away from this shit in 3 months.
Now that I've got that rant off my chest (and thank you for reading, I know I swore a lot, but I'm pretty effing frustrated right now) we can move on to this week's results. I lost 1.2 pounds this week. Whoo hoo! My first loss since starting to work. Let's hope this is a sign that I'm adjusting better than I thought...
New Stats:
Start Weight: 232.4
Current Weight: 145.4
Weight-loss to date: 86.0
Goal Weight: 139 (new goal)
Pounds to Goal: 6.4
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