I'm just so...tired.

We've all had it said to us at some point or another, "You look tired, are you okay?"

We all know, "You look tired" really means "You look like crap".

And, even though we slept fine, we all reply, "I'm okay, I just didn't sleep very well."

Today, I'm putting a stop to this though because, you know what? I'm am indeed very, very, very tired. Not just physically, although I feel that. Not just mentally, although I feel that as well. No, I'm just tired. Period.

I'm tired because I've been trying to move forward (with many things) for the last 2.5 years and every time I feel like I'm starting to gain some momentum, something happens. Like, the man I built my life around, walks out on me. Or, I lose my job. Or, my mom gets hurt/sick. Or, I get hurt/sick. Or, I wait forever to hear about graduate school.

I knew when my weight loss journey started 2.5 years ago I would need to think of it as a marathon, but I wasn't warned about all the hurdles along the way. In real marathons, there aren't any hurdles because running 26.2 miles is hard enough. In life; however, there are always hurdles and the longer the race, the more hurdles there seem to be. I do my best to leap over them, often stumbling on impact, and so far I've kept going. Until now...

This marathon that is my weight loss journey has also hit one other milestone of the race: The Wall.

"The Wall" is famous in distance running circles. It usually happens somewhere between mile 21 and mile 23 of the race. Yep, when 4/5 of race is done. It's the point where most people who drop out of the race quit. It's the point trainers tell their runners to prepare for and where runners make sure people are cheering them on so they can get through it. It's also known if you get past "The Wall" finishing the race is almost 100% certain.

Well, I hit my wall about 5 weeks ago. I'm just so tired. I know how close I am to finishing and getting to my personal weight goal, but oh-emm-gee I can't even describe how much everything hurts and how exhausted/depressed/disappointed I feel.

I've tried rewards charts, countdown calendars, weekly running goals, tracking challenges and every other thing I can think of to help me get through this wall. I remind myself that I've lost 90 pounds, so giving up with the last 10 isn't an option. But, nothing works. This wall is owning me.

So...maybe I need a cheerleader. If this were a marathon race, I'd make sure I had a family member or friend hanging out around mile 21 with posters and noisemakers to cheer me. As much as I feel needy and weak asking anyone to do that for me, I think I need to ask...

Will any of you be my cheerleaders? Will you help me get through this wall? I promise to be right there with you when/if a wall appears in your life.

I didn't weigh-in today. Or all week. I'm too tired.