Breaking down or breaking through?

The last week or so has been a rough one for me. I've been battling a few things when it comes to my move to NYC...things almost coming together, things just not getting off the ground, and so on and so forth.

And...I was ThisClose to saying "screw it, I'll just get a job in Sioux Falls/Minneapolis/Omaha". In fact, I even went and looked at a new car since I'd need a new one if I moved to any one of those cities.

I was so close to calling the whole thing off. But, I didn't because I realized I wasn't about to quit (again) on something I've wanted for a long time. Especially when I'm so close to actualizing it.

Instead, I chose to utilize a practice I use when I run. I said to myself, "Yes, Jaci, this is getting hard but you WON'T breakdown now. You WILL go at it even harder and WILL have a breakthrough."

Breakdown vs. breakthrough isn't a practice I created on my own - I heard it first in Kelly Cutrone's book "If You Have to Cry, Go Outside". But even she didn't make it up - someone said it to her when she was in the middle of a breakdown. And, it always resonated with me, because I knew that there have been several times in my life where I've allowed myself to breakdown and quit when I needed to just decide to make the choice to keep going on. And that's the key, it's a choice. You either choose to be passive and let the breakdown happen or you choose to be assertive and make the breakthrough happen.
I've applied this concept to my running.

I've learned while running that when it's getting hard, well, that's when I'm getting better. That's when I'm growing. That's when my time and endurance and breathing improve. Those last few minutes or half mile of a run aren't the time to start idling or slowing down. No, that's the time to kick myself in the ass and run faster!

So, yesterday I told myself to stop allowing the breakdown to happen and make the breakthrough happen. And, I did. I made phone calls and got some positive news about graduate school (I might get fully admitted instead of just prelim! This means I can get grants!) and also found a headhunter to help me start to find jobs out there. Now I'm feeling a whole lot better about my current situation than I did on Monday. Things aren't completely worked out yet, but at least I'm not being passive anymore.

This doesn't mean I won't at some point start feeling the walls crashing in on me again, but I'm going to try my damnest to remember that I am the only one who can make anything happen for me. I'm going to have to get on the phone and call people. I'm going to have to make them listen to me. I'm going to have to be the person everyone tells you not to be - the girl who harps. But, you know what, the girl who harps gets it done.

And, in life and work and everything, it's about getting it done. No one cares if you tried, they care if you did. Plus, lets be real, are you most proud of the things you have done or things you have tried to do? Probably the former.

So, how does this apply to weight-loss? Well, it's the same idea. When it gets hard you can either give up and breakdown or you can buck up and have a breakthrough. I know I've been a bit passive in my WLJ the last few weeks since I'm focusing a lot of my energy on my move.

But, I also know this is more of an excuse than anything. I've been trying (sorta) but I haven't really been doing. I say I'm watching what I eat (passive), but I'm not actually tracking (active). I say I'm getting some exercise at work (passive), but I haven't been running regularly (active). And since I know I'm not doing what I should be doing and thus not having any success on the scale, I've been whining. Well, whining won't get me anywhere. But, tracking and exercising will.

So, staring Monday, since that's my WI day, I'll really start my tracking challenge. I mean really do it, not the half-ass attempt I was doing. I'm going to put it all down on paper (or screen or keyboard - wth is the blog equivalent?) for five weeks. I'm sure part of the reason I was so passive was because I didn't have a specific goal to work towards - so here it is: 137 by Halloween. Roughly six or so pounds in 5 weeks. Completely doable. Name of challenge - Teeny by Halloweeny. Cute, no?

So, who is with me? Who wants to have a breakthrough with me and be Teeny by Halloweeny?!