WLJ Weekend Update: 3.12.11

Some weeks, you are not meant to be an awesome, weight-loss goddess.  Some weeks, G-d wants to remind you that you're human.  This was that week for me.

After my awesome weigh-in on Saturday, I decided to spend the day with my cousin.  Not a big deal, except we ate.  A lot.  I normally do not eat that much food, but the stress of my trip and my residual emotions caught up with me.  You see, I'm an emotional eater, but I don't normally eat when I'm stressed (actually, I starve stress) nor do I eat loneliness, hatred, sadness, or anger.  No, the emotion I eat is nothingness.

"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." ~ Socrates

What does that mean?  Nothingness?  Well, I'm a very goal orientated person, so when I run out of goals I feel adrift and like I'm nothing.  Some may even call it feeling useless or worthless or a personal apathy.  When I feel this way, I feel like there's a gaping hole in my life that I must fill (the hole being a purpose), and I fill it with food.  A healthier reaction would be to make some new goals, but sometimes the nothingness overtakes my common sense.

A blog I follow regularly, *Bitch Cakes*, wrote earlier this week about how sometimes you just have to allow yourself to go through whatever you are going through.  It couldn't have been more relevant to my week or mood and somehow it allowed me to give myself permission to feel what I was feeling (thank you Sheryl, your honest, open-heart is more inspirational than you'll ever know).

So, I did just that, and while I tried to keep myself on point the rest of the week as best as I could, I didn't obsess about it.  I gave myself permission to reflect and just be.

Besides the nothingness, there were some physical things this week that also caused me not to lose: a fall on Sunday that resulted in a bruised hip (so very little exercise); my dot (period) appearing four days early (bloat); and a head cold that I've been fighting since leaving NYC finally taking over my body (a sick body holds onto fluid when healing).  But the biggest thing was the nothingness.

Today, I'm feeling better, but I didn't start feeling like a useful human being again until late yesterday and you can't undo a week of poor choices in a matter of hours.  So I didn't try and just mentally prepared myself to see a gain on the scale this morning.

And I did, but I'm only up .2 pounds.  I'd barely call that a gain, but as it wasn't a loss, I'm not going to get lazy about it.  One more day of rest (today) and then I'm going to work my butt off.  I set-up some goals for myself (both fitness/weight-loss and personal) during my reflection and I want to get started on them!  So, for now, the nothingness is killed, and Jaci is back.  11.4 pounds to go.