At the beginning of the week I was having a hard time...for some reason I was super emotional and was beating myself up. There was a lot of negative self-talk going on. Lots of "you're a failure"; "you're lazy"; "you're ugly." Many "you are a drag on society"; "just give up, no one will ever want you"; "you're just too weird/quirky, no one will ever understand you".
And just like when someone else repeatedly says mean things to you, I started to believe all of the above. I contemplated giving up on some of my goals and settling down in Spencer, IA in a crappy apartment and getting a factory job at Eaton's (not that there's anything wrong with factory jobs, it's just not what I want for myself).
The negative thoughts were really getting to me. My anxiety started picking back up (not that it's ever gone) and I started having insomnia again.
I suffer from two types of anxiety. The first is acute anxiety, which is more of a sudden onset of freak out that I affectionately call "existential moments" or panic attacks. These are generally a sign that I'm just overwhelmed and need a mental break and are short lived maybe lasting a day or two.
The second is general anxiety disorder (or GAD) which is chronic and takes years to manage. I was diagnosed with it when I was in junior high and it's an ongoing struggle for me. When the GAD gets really out of hand, it usually leads to depression because the anxiety sort of traps me in myself...
And, I didn't want to do anything which is always an indicator that my anxiety is turning into depression. Luckily, my mom noticed I was shutting down (I don't always realize it until I'm deep in the depression stage) and asked me what was wrong.
So, I told her how I was feeling; how I was feeling like I wasn't doing anything or accomplishing anything. How I thought I should just give up and settle.
Thank G-d for my mother, because she said, "You've done a lot. Think about all the things you've accomplished in the last three months. You've lost so much weight, you've became a regular runner, you've travelled, you're writing. That's huge. Give yourself some credit. Be proud; I'm proud."
Which brings me to what I want to talk about, giving yourself credit where it is due. I'm going to focus on weight-loss related things in this post, and talk about other things in my post on Sunday.
So, these are my Quarter 1 of 2011 Weight-loss/Fitness Accomplishments
Anyways, this week's results: I was down 2.2 pounds this morning, making my total weight-loss 79 pounds. I'm 7.4 pounds away from my goal weight.
I'm setting a goal of making goal weight during Quarter 2 as well as completing 255 miles (for a YTD total of 500). I'd also like to take my average mile time down another minute as well as add yoga to my regular routine. Those are my goals, what are yours?
And just like when someone else repeatedly says mean things to you, I started to believe all of the above. I contemplated giving up on some of my goals and settling down in Spencer, IA in a crappy apartment and getting a factory job at Eaton's (not that there's anything wrong with factory jobs, it's just not what I want for myself).
The negative thoughts were really getting to me. My anxiety started picking back up (not that it's ever gone) and I started having insomnia again.
I suffer from two types of anxiety. The first is acute anxiety, which is more of a sudden onset of freak out that I affectionately call "existential moments" or panic attacks. These are generally a sign that I'm just overwhelmed and need a mental break and are short lived maybe lasting a day or two.
The second is general anxiety disorder (or GAD) which is chronic and takes years to manage. I was diagnosed with it when I was in junior high and it's an ongoing struggle for me. When the GAD gets really out of hand, it usually leads to depression because the anxiety sort of traps me in myself...
And, I didn't want to do anything which is always an indicator that my anxiety is turning into depression. Luckily, my mom noticed I was shutting down (I don't always realize it until I'm deep in the depression stage) and asked me what was wrong.
So, I told her how I was feeling; how I was feeling like I wasn't doing anything or accomplishing anything. How I thought I should just give up and settle.
Thank G-d for my mother, because she said, "You've done a lot. Think about all the things you've accomplished in the last three months. You've lost so much weight, you've became a regular runner, you've travelled, you're writing. That's huge. Give yourself some credit. Be proud; I'm proud."
Which brings me to what I want to talk about, giving yourself credit where it is due. I'm going to focus on weight-loss related things in this post, and talk about other things in my post on Sunday.
So, these are my Quarter 1 of 2011 Weight-loss/Fitness Accomplishments
- Completed 245.05 miles
- Took over 2 minutes off my average mile
- Lost 21.8 pounds (12.5 % of my body weight)
- Reduced my resting heart rate by 16 beats a minute
- Reduced my BMI from 29.9 to 26.1
- Loss over 20 inches from my measurements
- went down 3 dress sizes (I'm in single digits!)
Anyways, this week's results: I was down 2.2 pounds this morning, making my total weight-loss 79 pounds. I'm 7.4 pounds away from my goal weight.
I'm setting a goal of making goal weight during Quarter 2 as well as completing 255 miles (for a YTD total of 500). I'd also like to take my average mile time down another minute as well as add yoga to my regular routine. Those are my goals, what are yours?
You are doing so AWESOME.. Be proud of yourself for everything that you have accomplished. You are amazing and I know you are going to get to your goal weight.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing, Jaci. You have worked very hard to get to your goal weight. I, for one, am inspired an motivated by your results. Second, you ARE following your dreams instead of settling for something that will pay the bills but won't feed your soul. Like your mom said, give yourself some credit. Lots of it.
ReplyDelete