***18 days to NYC!***
Day Twenty-Six: The Best Thing I Have Going for Me Right Now
For the first time since I was 19, I'm back in my hometown. It's so great to spend every day with my family. I've missed so much of their lives while I was in college and Des Moines so now I'm playing catch-up. For example, my eldest nephew is 16 and is going to be a senior next year and up until this past December, I'd never seen him perform in his band (and he's AMAZING). And my niece, she's taller than me and almost a teenager! When did THAT happen?! Also, spending more time with my Jessica (my cousin who is more like sister) has been so good for both of us too. I had forgotten how we are perfect mirrors of each other.
"The best mirror is an old friend."~ Peter Nivio Zarlenga
Also, my mother is going through some serious health stuff right now, and I'm relieved that I'm able to be home with her while she adjusts to her new diet and medications. Then, of course, my grandfather being diagnosed with cancer last month. I honestly think G-d knew I needed to come home for awhile before moving out East. He knew I needed to reconnect with my family and roots.
Day Twenty-Seven: If I Were Pregnant, What Would I Do?
Well, first I'd be confused since I haven't been exposed, per se, for quite some time...then I'd be happy! It would definitely change my plans, but I have an awesome support system so I'm sure I'd be fine.
Day Twenty-Eight: A Letter to Me At Age Eighteen
Dear Jaci -
There are so many things I could say to you. Let's see, right now you are a senior in high school, and you've actually already figured out that high school is total bullshit, so I'm not going to tell you to ignore the haters. But, I do know that you have also just had your heart broken for the first time. I want to let you know that it WILL be okay. The hurt will fade, you'll both eventually be friends, you will even date some other boys and break their hearts. You'll also have your heartbroken again. Not just by men, but by just people in general. You'll discover as you do more in the "real world" just how much it doesn't meet your expectations. You'll be shocked how trivial and down-right mean people can be to each other and you'll shed more than a few tears because of this fact. As much as you are disappointed, however; you will never lose your belief that there is wonder and amazing things in the world that you want to discover. Jaci, in your heart, you are a creative, quirky, curious explorer, and the drive to explore and do more things will be what brings you the most joy. Follow that.
"Keep a good heart. That's the most important thing in life. It's not how much money you make or what you can acquire. The art of it is to keep a good heart."
~ Joni Mitchel
I also want to warn you that you WILL make mistakes. You'll even flunk a class and later retake it and get the top grade - proving to yourself that you are not dumb or lazy. You'll spend all your money on new clothes, and then realize that was a bad choice because you forgot to buy food first. You'll eat a whole loaf of white bread in one sitting but then figure out that white bread is your arch enemy. These things WILL happen, but the important thing is that you learn from your mistakes. Jaci, these mistakes are the very things that make you mature, tough, and wise beyond your years and help you develop a very strong self-worth.
Next, please listen to your gut. You have the unique personality that allows you to have an innate understanding of most things (which creeps others out) while also being analytical. Unfortunately, you sometimes let your analytical part override your intuition - even though your gut is usually right on the money. It's hard, I know, because you want to do what is "correct" but you'll eventually learn that what is right for you won't always make sense.
"Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny." ~ Bob Marley
Lastly, you need to know there are people who will ALWAYS have your back. Mom is one of them. You two will have your ups and downs during the next decade, but you'll always find each other on the other side of the hill because she is your biggest fan. Jaci, she's tough on you because sometimes you need it, but she'll also be there to pick you up when your breaking. Let her. It makes her happy. And sometimes, as much as it kills you, you will need to realize that asking for help from her doesn't make you weak. In fact, it makes BOTH of you, and your relationship, stronger because part of loving someone is being their brace and holding them up when they are about to fall.
There is more that I could say, but these are the most important things. Enjoy your twenties - they go by fast!
With Much Love and Fond Memories,
Jax
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